Sleepless Heartbreak

I’ve never felt pain like this. A constant battle with your heart and soul. Something you thought was so right be so wrong. Just one day or night could change your whole life. You thought for good but it was for bad. There is no butterfly effect. No time machine. No magic to make you forget. The thing that’s hurts most is you’ll be fine. You’ll forget about me but I won’t forget about you. No matter how hard I try. That’s my curse, the only magic trick I know. Is to never forget and to never let go. So should I just pretend. Until it all turns true. Should I just act like I never knew you. If I keep repeating it. Will it be for real. So one day ill wake up and my heart will heal.

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Lock Smith

I just wanna wake up and be in love. Feel free, be excited like I use to. I don’t want everyday to be a struggle. I want that one thing. That one feeling. That one touch. I don’t get that and I can see why others do but not for me. Everyday is hard. It’s like time is standing still waiting for me to crack the code. But wait cause I forgot how to pick the lock.

Always yours,
Lola

Our Goodbye

It’s like a movie with no ending or a song with no hook. You keep going back and forth but nothing gets done. Feelings stay hurt, the hero never comes. All that’s left to do is turn around and run. Everybody’s right, everybody’s wrong. No one seems to stop and ask what it’s done to me. Even if your in it, even if you tried. You still wouldn’t understand whats been done to my heart. All I see is dirt roads, all I see is fields. Staring at an ending that will never appear. I can see me dying, while you watch me cry. Just pretend your happy and then you won’t be so sad. 27 candles all burned along the way. Just to light a path that isn’t going anywhere. How hard is it to focus, how hard is it to cry. Every time I tell you something, it’s not the reason why. How long will we be fighting? How long will this go on? Some people I guess were meant to just be alone. I fall in love to easy and fall out just as quick. But leaving is a different story because love turns to sympathy and regret. So hold my hand tonight and let it be the last time. I promise I’ll be gone in the morning and that will be our last goodbye.

-CH-

The end

I talked to a friend. She’s married with 4 kids. She said even when her husband is being a complete dick and she wants to leave. She doesn’t have the strength. Emotionally or financially and no family to help. I don’t want to be that girl but I am. Constantly trying to make things better but they just don’t go the way I planned. I’m not happy and whether I stay in this or not. I never want to do it again. I thought love was all great. Disney really tricks you as a kid. You can be a princess almost get killed by a witch have evil step mother and sisters live in poverty and you always end up happy and living with Prince Charming in the end. BULLSHIT!! Life is not a movie obviously and there’s always a downside to life. You might get a great career and guy but then he cheats on you or beats you. You might get a slightly less motivated guy that doesn’t cheat or beats you but never wants to do better. Either way you always get fucked in the end. At least that’s always my outcome. All good things come to an end. I just know now not to expect anything from life but what I get. Relationships are just not for me. So I either try and take what I get or nothing at all. I’m never alone because of my kids. But as far a love and emotion goes I’m fucked.

Broken

Not being able to separate everything will tear you apart. It’s not fair when someone is so happy but the other is so sad. I’m dying inside. I’m lost. I’m so hurt and so insulted. It’s my fault. I feel like my world is crashing down on me. My walls are closing in and I can’t breathe. I can’t make you happy forever and forget about me. It’s not fair. It’s not fair for you to ask me to. That’s not love. That’s torture. But you’ll never know the damage you’ve caused because you’ll never want to see it. Feel it. Live it. I don’t live right. I don’t love right. I’m selfish. I’m irresponsible. I’m broken. That’s how you feel about me. I’ve done nothing to say those things but try and live the life I want. I was just asking for what I need.

An Almost Introduction….

Ok so I decided I was gonna make a blog. I’m really good at getting my feelings out through writing. So here goes. This blog is about everything: Fashion, Beauty, Style, DIY and life. Now I will say this. I’ll give some info on me because obviously people want to know who’s writing I won’t tell you all about my life right now but I will tell you some. I’m a paralegal student, have 2 beautiful kids and I am married. I’m an artist of some kind and I have many loves. With that said hopefully you enjoy my blog because plan on putting all of my experiences in it and I hope to help other people with some things I have been through, tried, and love, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad. See there’s even a little Dr. Seuss action in there for ya, lol. Anyway here goes nothing